Back When I was a Kid....

Remember Everyone, That's Real Acid We're Using, So I Want to See Goggles People, Goggles!!!

Safety must be big business, because "safe" is code for "expensive as shit".  Every baby book tells you that when buying (insert whatever item is the topic of conversation), do not choose an inexpensive model, because you can't put on a price on safety.  The good people at Graco and Fisher Price (not to mention the evil bastards at Babies `R Us, who will be pleased to know I am now bad-mouthing them in 15 countries and every continent but Antarctica), have no issue putting a price on safety.

Somehow baby merchandise has been place on the Need Scale right next to food and shelter.  With no trace of humour in their face, they will tell you that it is absolutely imperative that the expensive organic mattress is what your child sleeps on.  Who the hell cares if their mattress is organic?  Its not like its a salad, the kid isn`t going to eat it is he?  And if he does, maybe a little pesticide is a good thing when you are chowing down on something you have been peeing on for the last two years.

I`m not really all that old, but if we use the 8 year old mark as the start of childhood where you are allowed kind of wheel around by yourself, I have been out and about for 22 years.  A lot of good times were had, and a lot of toys were played with that you will never find today.  Outside of Mexico, you will never find kids playing with lawn darts (at least the kind you could kill a water buffalo with), standing on the back seat of a car so they could wave to drivers when your dad passes them at 140 km/h, or buying their own BBs at the hardware store so they could shoot their friends with an air gun.  Wearing a helmet when skiing was lame, and even if some kid smashed himself into a tree and scrambled his shit, it would still never occur to you to wear one unless you happened to ride a motorcycle to the hill and had nowhere to put your helmet anyway.

Not that I`m saying all of this progress is bad, when I ride a bike I make sure my dorky helmet is fastened properly, both because adults don`t roll out of crashes well, and because I usually have Rocky the Retriever with me who will blow you right off the bike to get to a turd he hasn`t smelled yet.  Much of this progress has been for the greater good.

My point is more that when you sanitize and sterilize and pad the crap out of every activity, some of them aren`t as fun anymore.  Laser tag is lame people, and so is touch football.  Sure, every once in a while a kid breaks a collarbone or Stefan hits me in the face with a barbell, but that`s part of the learning process isn't it? (What I learned from the barbell incident is that Stefan probably isn`t paying attention, so it`s a good idea to make sure you are out of range.) 

When it`s my kid with the broken arm or missing teeth I might be singing a different tune, but to me it seems like we shelter kids to the point that they miss out on a few things.  Like the proper way to light a campfire with no tinder or kindling whatsoever, just beer boxes and gasoline, like a real woodsman. 

On a side note, a lot of people have asked me if Pookie and I are going to get our own reality TV show.  They are joking I hope, but it has been asked enough times that I thought I would address it. 

I really don`t think people would find watching us all that interesting.  Compared to Octomom and that freaky Mormon family, our little family unit is pretty dull.  Not as dull as lot of people, but still, nothing I would want to watch on TV.

Also, as some of you may have noticed, the whole reality TV show thing didn`t exactly turn out to be 'aces' for old Jon Gosselin.  The guy started the show as a regular Joe in holy-shit-mode, and went to Public Enemy Number 1 before the kids were even old enough to tell them what a failure he was.  I would wager he would have preferred to take his hen-pecking in private, but he cracked, became the villian and is now a reviled deadbeat dad being sued by TLC.  Where do I sign up?

Big Congratulations to Tess and Archie!  Tess and Archie are friends of ours that had a healthy baby boy this morning.  Its always great to hear when good people have kids, it kind of seems like the good people of the world are slowly breeding out the assholes.  That's probably just me, but still, Pookie and I are very happy for them.

We are at 24 weeks and counting, the babies cometh.